More burdens unloaded

God lead me to watch the movie, "October Baby" today while I was doing paperwork.  In fact, it's been set before me several times but today I felt compelled to watch.  I guess you could say I'm the "sister" of an aborted child and never realized the pain that was spilled over into my life because of this.  My mother passed away when I was 18 years old (2 weeks before high school graduation).  The pain from her choice as a single mother impacted our lives in ways unimaginable.  I personally have no memory of the event as I was very young but she painfully shared this with me during one of her emotional break-downs.  This was hard to hear as a 12 year old girl.  Unknowingly, I had been carrying her pain for her all these years (around 36 years).  As I watched this movie, the tears flowed effortlessly down my face and I felt a heaviness begin to lift.  I have never felt responsible for her decision but I loved her so dearly that I felt obligated as a child to bear this burden with her.  But I no longer have to do so as I shed the tears and set the pain free.  I can now free another layer of emotional baggage and another layer of health can make it's way to the surface and I can continue to glow.  My mother's pain is her pain and I am free to separate myself from that.  It will take some practice but there is no doubt that is exactly what she wants me to do.  Here we glow again!

Getting Behind the Eating Trance

I have days when I simply CAN NOT stop eating the crap!  I literally have no power over myself in those moments.  That might sound crazy to a lot of people but it's the truth.  When this happens I tend to get angry and frustrated at myself for something that I can not control.  I know it's dangerous to do that to my body, I know all of the side-effects that come from it but in those moments nothing matters.  Lately I've been trying to get behind the "trance" I go into and see if I notice a trigger.  If I look deep enough I find that even a cloudy day can trigger a hypnotic eating episode.  I can not control the weather, other people, or unexpected situations so I have to learn to get ahead of my emotions and circumstances so that I'm not so blind-sided and lose control.  How to do that will be coming up in a new post :).

Life-changing Documentaries

I LOVE documentaries, at least good ones.  Here are some that have really helped me to understand the food I was/am eating and helped me to lose weight:

• Hungry for Change
• Forks Over Knives
• Food Matters
• Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead.

All of these can be found on Netflix and some or all on Hulu.com.  They are very interesting so you don't have to worry about being bored.